In my practice, I’ve sat with countless individuals as they navigate one of life’s most challenging experiences. Each person’s journey through loss is both universally human and deeply personal.

Grief is not a problem to be solved or an illness to be cured. It is love with nowhere to go, a testament to the depth of our human connections. As a clinical psychologist who has walked
alongside hundreds of people through their darkest valleys, I’ve learnt that whilst we cannot eliminate the pain of loss, we can learn to carry it with grace, meaning, and hope. This
comprehensive guide draws from contemporary grief research, clinical practice, and the wisdom of those who have travelled this difficult path, aiming to help you understand grief’s complex nature, recognise its many faces, and discover practical strategies for healing whilst honouring your loss.

What Grief Really Looks Like: Beyond Common Misconceptions

Grief is far more complex than many people realise. It’s not simply sadness, nor does it follow a predictable timeline or pattern. In my clinical experience, grief encompasses a constellation of emotions, physical sensations, thoughts, and behaviours that can feel overwhelming and contradictory. The emotional landscape of grief can include profound sadness, but it may also manifest as anger, relief, guilt, anxiety, numbness, or even moments of unexpected joy. You might feel grateful for memories whilst simultaneously feeling furious about your loss. These contradictory emotions are normal and healthy parts of the grieving process.

Grief lives in the body as much as in the heart and mind. Common physical symptoms include exhaustion that doesn’t improve with rest, changes in appetite and weight, sleep disturbances including insomnia or oversleeping, headaches and muscle tension, digestive issues and nausea, chest tightness and difficulty breathing, and a weakened immune system leading to frequent illnesses. These physical manifestations often surprise people, who expect grief to be purely emotional.

The cognitive and behavioural changes that accompany grief can be equally disorienting. Many people experience difficulty concentrating and making decisions, memory problems and mental fog, disorganisation and confusion, social withdrawal or increased need for company, changes in daily routines and self care habits, and difficulty finding meaning or purpose in previously enjoyed activities. Understanding that these changes are normal responses to loss can help reduce the additional distress that comes from worrying about whether you’re “grieving correctly.”

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